The Tug at my Heart

It happened again today...that tug at my heart.

I went with my girlfriend G"L"C to the Glendale Galleria to buy some items for work. We split up, her going to run her errands and me to run mine. As I walked through the surprisingly crowded mall, there they were....the stay-at-home mommies...pushing their strollers or holding their toddler's hand.

There it was...that pang...again. Remembering those days with my own two babies...pushing their strollers, stopping to sit and have an iced coffee and dole out Cheerios from a baggie, killing time. Seems like there was so much time to be killed back then.

There are certainly days when I wish for those long-ago times, for the contented afternoons of strolling and shopping and lunching and driving (mostly to get them to fall asleep). It feels like those days were just yesterday. Did I remember to enjoy them? Or did I squander them, thinking they would last forever? Somewhere in between I'm sure.

But the tug at my heart isn't just for those days. It's for THESE days...days when I sit working at my desk, so wishing I could pick up my children from school, go run errands, maybe take them to the park. I don't know....just BE with them more....while they're young. Before they begin to REALLY roll their eyes at me (even more than they do now) and before they'd much rather walk home with friends. Now, when they see me drive up, they yell "Mommy, mommy!" in voices that say how excited and happy they are to see me. I know that, all too soon, that excitement will be gone. They will want to be independent and rides from mom will seem so very uncool. Or maybe that is when I will REALLY want to be a stay-at-home mom. When they need to be led through the perilous dangers of boys and trips to the mall and bad influences.

So I compensate a little everyday. Maybe I can't pick them up, but darn it, I can make the best half toasted cheese/half pbj bagels for breakfast ever. More work than just making them pick one or the other. But hey....when they still need you and want you....it seems like such a small task.

For those of you who actually get to spend portions of the day with your children, I hope you won't mind my envy.